Fragile
by kc78
Summary: A short AU story; What if Tom had stopped to see Kathleen Nolan before leaving the ship in Episode 'Don't Look Back'.


_A/N: My other story is a little stuck so my friend is feeding me some prompts to help me get my brain back into writing. I will update Next to Die soon! fingers crossed.. other than that I hope I don't annoy any Tom Lovers with my version of Tom. This is a complete short fiction._

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Tom walked through the p-ways of the ship; knowing it was the last time he'd set foot on a ship in a very long time. He'd left Sasha in his quarters; she was angry, confused and hurt. It was his fault. It was all his fault.

His father always warned him that the chicken always came home to roost. Pain lanced through him, his father was gone. His children were with a couple crewmembers from the ship at his home. They were waiting for him, but he had one last stop before he left the Nathan James for the last time.

He stopped in front of a door to a stateroom and knocked, he pulled his cap off and placed his duffel back on the floor. He dropped the hat onto the bag just as the door opened. He looked to Andrea, the woman's eyes were bloodshot and her composure; fragile as glass. They all felt fragile after the last few hours, for Tom it felt like he'd been fragile since Baltimore. His father and Tex's deaths were what finally shattered him. He couldn't stay on the ship, he was out of inspirational words, out of motivation, exhausted to the point he was numb. The only things he felt was the deep seated ache in his being, the anger at himself and the pain of that came with it.

"CNO," Andrea said greeting him in a low voice.

"XO, I'd like to pay my respects." He told her, she gave a nod; not denying him his request.

"I'll be outside." Andrea said more to the room than him as she stepped out. He moved into the stateroom and closed the door behind him. He felt a heaviness weigh on him, his mind empty as he lost the ability to know what to say. But then he knew there was nothing to say. He turned to the room, the lights were off except for the lamps that provided a soft glow. He heard the soft sniffling from the small couch, he turned to face the one person he'd been avoiding for hours.

Kathleen Nolan, she sat on the couch with her knees up and blanket around her shoulders. She glared at him as tears ran down her face. He deserved her anger. He was a coward for putting this off.

"There is-" He stopped as he shook his head. He couldn't give her the stock speech of 'no words to make this better', she didn't deserve some regurgitated speech and frankly it made him feel like a callous asshole. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." he told her, his voice thick with emotion. Sasha had told him whatever was broken could be fixed but she was wrong. He knew just looking at Kathleen it couldn't be.

She rose from her seat, the blanket fell off her shoulders as she moved around the chairs. He kept on his feet and turned to face her, he didn't know what to expect but he'd take it. When she was close, she looked at him with such bitterness and then she punched him. It wasn't a soft punch and due to the height difference it hit him in the chest. She didn't stop with one as she pummelled him, all the while tears and angered grunts came out of her. He stood there and took the pain, took the punishment. He was glad for it because he was tired of being forgiven for the losses.

After a few punches, she lost steam and slowly stopped. Her frustration in her own exhaustion and weakness from grief cut her deeply. She pulled hard on his jacket like she just wanted to pass on her pain in anyway she could. But couldn't and it was that realisation that made her break down; sobbing. He froze unsure of what the right thing to do was but his instincts as a parent kicked in. He tentatively wrapped his arms around her and held her as she cried. Tears burned his eyes but he refused the shed them as this was Kathleen's time to grieve. Not his.

After a long moment passed, Kathleen pushed away from him and went back to the couch. She picked up the blanket and pulled it over her body. She eyed him with such mixed emotions it made him feel utterly useless.

"They say you're quitting." Kathleen said in a dull tone.

"My-" He stopped as he'd been about to say kids. But he knew the last thing Kathleen needed to be reminded of was that she didn't have a father. "It's time to leave. I've lost my way, if I stay I won't be doing anyone any favours." He said which was how he felt in some respect even if it sounded like a lame excuse to his ears. He honestly didn't care what people thought. He just needed to get away from it all.

"My Dad lost his way too, but he found a way back every time." Kathleen said to him, she wiped tears from her face. "I hope your kids appreciate what you're giving up to be with them." she added, she looked away signalling she was done with him. The pain etched in her pale features tore at him, it made him wish he had something to offer her but he didn't.

"I'm deeply grateful for the time your father gave me. I hope one day you'll forgive me." Tom told her gruffly, he didn't wait for a response as he knew one wasn't coming. So he turned and moved to the door. He opened it, stepped out. He looked to Andrea, she gave him another nod of acknowledgement before she stepped back into the room. He waited until the door was closed. He took a moment allowing himself to pull control over his control before he donned his cap and picked up his duffel bag.

He turned and looked at the door wishing that things were different, that he could've summoned more strength to be the leader, the sailor that everyone needed him to be. To be the man who could've given Kathleen more comfort and some sense of peace but he was lost. Lost in the quagmire of his own mess, the best thing he could do was leave the ship and be with his kids. With that, he started walking the ship, taking it all in one last time.

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 **The End**


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